Picking up women is quite simple. The dating market is really about sorting out who is fit and who is unfit for relationships, and as far as women are concerned, attractiveness is synonymous with guys who are fit for relationships.
So forget about those articles that tell you to be nice, sensitive and funny. Just remember that at the end of the day, your attractiveness is the same as your ability to hold and maintain a relationship.
This affects every part of your life, from your looks to your job to your personality. So before you even think about attracting girls, take the time to examine yourself. Are you the kind of guy that girls would want to have a relationship with, or do you need some improvement?
What Do Women Want?
Most women can’t really tell you, but if you observe them long enough, you’ll begin to see certain patterns. Some will claim that they like sensitive guys, while others will say something like, “I want someone who will take care of me,” or “I want someone who will respect me for who I am.”
However, what women say is quite different from what they are attracted to. For example, a Buzzfeed poll from 2015 entitled ‘What Do You Prefer In A Man?’ found that girls were turned off by men who had piercings and too many tattoos.
However, a study called ‘Tattooed men: Healthy bad boys and good-looking competitors,’ conducted by Andrzej Galbarczyk and Anna Ziomkiewicz found that tattoos actually functioned like advertisements for fitness. Tattooed guys were not only considered more attractive by a lot of women, but they also inspired feelings of toughness, health, and resilience.
So before you go out to attract women, you should first take the time to observe them in social situations. Contrary to what some may tell you, women think differently than men, and you will need to know how their thought patterns work if you want a reasonable chance at attracting them, which brings us to the next important point.
What Does It Take to Be Hot?
Girls are attracted to ‘hot guys.’ That’s fairly obvious. The big question is, what is a ‘hot guy?’ Women can’t answer this question, but we all know what they look like when we see them.
A hot or attractive man is fairly healthy, sociable and strong. They may not always have bulging muscles, but they do look fit and healthy. They may not always be at the center of attention, but they know how to talk clearly and with a certain amount of charm.
They may not be the most well-dressed men in a room, but they certainly know how to look good, regardless of their physical features. So the important thing you need to know about physical attraction is that women have standards and so does the rest of society. If you can’t meet those standards then you won’t likely attract any women in your life.
Aside from looking at physical and social cues, women also look at status as well as certain personality traits. With status, women are attracted to men who have a high status in relation to other guys.
This is why you find a lot of novels about women falling for the mysterious CEO or the roguish fighter pilot. No one’s asking you to become like these guys, but you will need to demonstrate status if you want women to notice you.
And finally, you will need to demonstrate uniqueness. Girls are more likely to be attracted to you if you can set yourself apart from other men who may be as attractive as yourself. Let’s face it. Women are not impressed by ordinary guys. So aside from being fit, healthy and sociable, you will also need to work on your own status.
Status is not always about jobs, however. Sometimes, you can impress a woman by simply being athletic, being part of a band, having a fairly large YouTube channel or being a member of a fairly interesting organization.
These aren’t as impressive as being a CEO but doing things that attract attention does give you a little bit of status. It also makes you more special relative to other men.
Now that we’ve discussed what makes attractive guys what they are, how do you replicate their success? Well, there’s no straightforward answer. Each man has his own style and aesthetics, and you will need to find your own. But before you do that, you should look at the basics, and here are some of them:
Let’s start with something obvious: Assertiveness. Women like bad boys, those men who seem to stand out by virtue of their ego and self-confidence. This is because bad boys tend to rank high on the dominance hierarchy, that is to say they are tougher and more assertive than other men in their group.
However, an assertive personality is not enough. You will also need to prove that you can get things done. Women like assertiveness but you will also need to back up your personality with action. For example, if you act tough then you better know how to fight a little, or at least look like you can.
Nothing destroys female attraction than false promises and women can sense those fairly easily. So learn how to defend yourself. You don’t need to become the toughest guy in a bar, but you should at least try to build up your body to the point that you could hold your own in a hypothetical fight.
Work On Your Appearance
People make fun of guys who dress up a little too much, but it can do wonders if done right. A good set of clothes can subtly project a certain amount of status and power. It can also make you stand out, and women are drawn to that.
Changing your wardrobe to attract women may feel fake or even stupid but remember that women respond to status, and well-dressed guys tend to have status. So don’t think of your appearance as ‘faking it.’ What you’re actually doing is marketing yourself to potential partners and girlfriends, so do it well.
Like most things, looking good requires work and experimentation, and if you’re the type of guy who doesn’t care about his appearance then you better start caring now.
Experiment with different styles and fashion accessories until you find the one that matches your particular looks and personality without overdoing it.
Learn How to Flirt
Flirting is not easy. Firstly, you need to know how to make women smile. Secondly, you will need to be able to take criticism and shaming tactics and use them to your own advantage. And finally, you will need to be able to keep women interested.
Flirting is a broad topic, but basically it’s the ability to make women happy and interested. Most are quite sensitive to flirting and they may test you by making fun of you or even poking fun at your pick up line, but this is all part of the flirting process. This sounds very simple but it’s quite hard in practice.
It helps if you already have some experience at flirting but if you don’t, then you should go to YouTube and look up videos of guys who have successfully flirted with hundreds of girls and adopt some of their techniques. You may not be as charming as they are but you can still replicate what they’re doing.
Compare Yourself to Other Men
The women you’ll meet will compare you with other men. So you should do that too. Compared to other men, how masculine and attractive are you? Are you as charming as the average guy in the dating market?
Most guys don’t like being compared to other men. It makes some of us feel insecure, but you should still do it anyway. If you know where you stand relative to other guys in the dating market then you will know how well women will respond to you.
On the other hand, men who refuse to compare themselves to other guys often end up overestimating their looks and attractiveness, which in turn makes them less attractive to most women.
Things That You Should Not Do When Attracting Girls
Now that we’ve talked about what you can do to attract women, let’s talk about the things that you should avoid.
1. Avoid talking too much – Talking too much can cause all kinds of problems. For starters, you could say something that might turn off women or set off alarm bells in their heads.
There’s also the risk that you might say something that she might find offensive, causing her to leave in a fit. So, instead of talking too much why don't you just practice, at chatlinedating.com we have multiple phone lines for you to practice with women were you're able to practice your speech.
So choose your words wisely and try to use silence to your advantage. Attractive guys know how to use the least amount of words to achieve the greatest results.
2. Avoid peacocking – Appearance matters but there’s also the danger of overdoing it, and it’s called peacocking. Some girls find overdressed guys charming but this is usually because the guys are already charming to begin with. So unless you know how to pull it off, it’s best that you don’t overdo your clothes.
3. Avoid picking up girls at a bad time or place – Avoid picking up women at the wrong places and at the wrong time. It doesn’t matter how charming or attractive you are if you do your thing at a terrible place and time.
For example, picking up women who are agitated at a dreary place is probably not going to make you look attractive.
4. Don’t bring up controversial topics/Avoid offending women – Women are usually more likely to get offended by men. Not only do they have a higher disgust response, they are also more suspicious than most guys. So whenever you talk to a girl, be sensitive to those things that she may find offensive.
For example, if you’re talking to a girl who seems passionate about feminism, avoid doing or saying anything that may contradict her politics. You can still do the bad boy routine and be a little contrarian but you should only do it if you can pull it off in a charming way. Otherwise, don’t.
5. Don’t put women on a pedestal (but don’t throw them into the trash either) – Most guys who are new to the dating scene, get a lot of conflicting messages on how they should treat women. Some sources claim that you should go full jerk while others advice acting like a desperate Romeo. Both extremes are wrong.
Women love bad boys, but there’s also a big difference between a troubled rebel and a full on psycho. Likewise, a lot of women like sweet guys but only after they have revealed their tough personalities. So when you meet a girl, always remember that you will need to walk a tight line between two extremes.
6. Do not avoid her friends – Women have a herd instinct, that is to say they listen to what their friends and colleagues tell them. So when you pick up a girl at a bar, and she’s with a lot of friends, don’t pretend that they’re not there, because they certainly won’t do the same with you.
So be prepared for jokes and sarcasm. In most groups of women, there will always be that one girl who loves to poke fun at guys, and you will need to be prepared to answer their criticisms with a ‘neg’ or a counter-criticism of your own.
Also, don’t forget the rest of the group. You will need to impress them too if you want to impress the girl that you’re attracted to. Remember, most girls like approval from their peers.
These are some of the basic things that you should do when picking up or attracting women. There are other things that you can do to make yourself more attractive to girls but for now, this is a good start.