Break-ups are often difficult. They are like venoms that have no antidote. Our traumatizing situation gets tougher when we still have strong feelings for the people who broke our hearts.
Getting the dagger that’s stuck in our hearts out is worse; it always feels like an impossible mission. At this point, we think that the dagger should remain in our chests.
We want to convince ourselves that the pain is short-term and if we go through it, maybe we will have a shot at our relationships once more.
In most cases, people feel stuck; it’s like they are in a rut, an endless wormhole. They usually feel like it’s impossible to move on with their lives. They’d rather endure their partner’s face-saving white lies and compromise their happiness over their soon to be ex’s dysfunction.
Whether your relationship ended because your partner was not ready to commit or because you caught him or her cheating does not matter, what matters most is your happiness and your peace of mind.
As a relationship coach, I learned the hard way that it’s better to jump before the elevator hits the ground. I gave my partner my heart and soul, and she still broke my heart more times than I could count.
I kept telling myself that things would eventually get better. From a young age, I have always been the glass-half-full type of person, and I have always lived by the mantra that there is always light at the end of the tunnel; that after the darkest night, the sun will still shine.
Well, this is not always the case. It’s unfortunate that at times, the people we love most are the ones who turn out to be the snakes and scorpions who ruin our happiness and our sense of self-worth.
I was a hopeless romantic. I was always ready to pay the ultimate price for the sake of love. I would have bought the heart of the ocean for my ex-girlfriend. I would have dropped anything that mattered in my life and backs her up to the ends of the world.
I endured too much until one day it dawned on me that something was not right. I had let him off the hook too many times, and I finally threw in the towel. I did this because I realized that this lady would never change.
I had to face the truth, which, unfortunately, was a bitter pill to swallow. My ex was manipulative. She had the power to look into my eyes, go deep into my soul, figure out my dreams, and crush them right in front of me. She cared less about my feelings. No one deserves to go through such cruelty.
Don’t Give too Much Straw to a Dying Horse
While in the toxic relationship, I always felt that I needed my girlfriend to pull me down by my legs. It’s like without the gravity pull; I’d fly off into space and die of asphyxia.
Unless feeling blue is your default setting, don’t give someone the magical license of turning your life into a living hell. Learn to recognize those who erode your sense of self-worth before it’s too late.
Living in the hope that things will eventually get better is an excellent execution of a terrible idea. Narrow your gaze to moving on with your life before you turn into a senseless zombie that feeds off pain and misery.
Most people who come to see me admit that they would like to move on with their lives. The problem is that they are never ready to let go. They don’t know how to do it.
Some say that if there were pills that made them forget about their ex, they would gladly overdose on it to nurse their hearts. If you are one of these people, pay keen attention. If possible, take notes.
If you have the will to move on, you have already taken the first step to recovery by reading this article.
The following are some of the ways in which you can move on with your life if you feel that you still love your ex, but you desperately want to get them off your mind.
Ever heard addicts say that rehab is for quitters? They say this to console themselves because they have yet come to terms with the fact they have a problem. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.
If you feel that you have fought too much for your love and your efforts are not bearing any fruits, you have to accept that you have done your part and there is nothing more you can do to save the sinking ship. Get out of your stupor and come back to reality.
Living in denial will not do you any good. It’s for this reason that you should condition your mind and face the hard fact that your ex is not coming back into your life.
2. Cut off Contact
Following the no contact rule means that you have to stop calling or texting your ex no matter how badly you want to hear their voice. It does not matter if it’s their birthday, if it’s your anniversary, or if you want to have closure talk for the zillionth time.
Cut off contact for as long as you want. You don’t need to be friends with the person who hurt and disregarded your feelings. At this point, taking care of your emotional well-being is all that matters.
Hanging to the idea that remaining friends with your ex might reignite the spark of love is a silly idea. We are most vulnerable when we are hurting. You can’t be friends with your ex if you have not entirely healed.
Getting rid of heartache takes time. When going through this heart wrecking moment, we need to be our own best friend. Never put yourself in situations that make you feel worse than you already do.
Good self-care means that you should set healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Let your ex know that you need your space, and you would prefer not to be in touch with them.
Try to move on by focusing on yourself to find true happiness. Allow yourself to bloom by taking a mini-vacation, spending time with your family and friends (your support group), by exercising, or by going to the gym.
Scientific studies show that exercising is an excellent way of healing. When we exercise, our brains release endorphins which are vital to the healing process because they act as painkillers for broken hearts.
3. Unfollow their Social Media Accounts
Cutting off our exes means refraining from giving in to the urge of stalking them on social media. You might be tempted to go through their profile to see how they are faring on.
Doing this would be the biggest mistake you can ever make because people tend to fake a lot of things, including happiness, on social media. You don’t have to unfriend them on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media platform.
You can mute their tweets or unfollow them on Facebook without unfriending them. Doing this will ensure that you do not see their social media activities.
If you have things in common, such as kids or sharing the same workplace, ensure that your relationship is strictly platonic. Keep your communications channel open only for the sake of your children.
If they try to cross the boundaries that you have set, drum it to their heads that you can no longer play this game. Tell them that you are trying to move on and it would be best for everyone if they also did the same.
4. Try to Forgive
Making peace with your past is an essential part of your healing process. It’s the right way of making your pain go away. It doesn’t matter if your ex did not apologize. All that matters is that you forgive them.
It’s the only way you’ll peacefully move forward with your life. Holding onto anger will only poison you. When you forgive your ex, it does mean that you approve what he or she did to you.
Always keep in mind that at times, people don’t do evil things intentionally. Try to see things from their perspective. Maybe they had a rough upbringing. Always know that your ex’s behavior doesn’t have anything to do with your self-worth.
How they treated you reflects their character. You don’t have to tell your ex that you’ve forgiven them. Forgiveness should be internal. Never worry about what is going on with them; it’s not your concern.
After forgiving your ex and letting go of all the anger in you, the next thing that you should do is to forgive yourself for the role that you played in ending your relationship. Nobody is perfect.
Mistakes are part of human nature. Never let what happened to define who you are. Instead, take what happened to your relationship as a lesson. Make it a stepping stone to building your new character. The best people learn from their mistakes for it makes them better people.
5. Focus on Self-Love
Moving on from relationships that did not work out is about loving yourself. To some, this might be the hardest part. Being in a relationship with someone who shares the same believes and values requires you to take yourself positively.
If this seems impossible because you are self-loathing, criticizing yourself, or because you have self-doubt shows that you should consult with a professional. Never think that things would have turned out differently.
If your breakup was written in the stars, there is nothing that you can do about it. Blaming yourself is a waste of your energy. Embrace what you learned from your relationship and let the lessons sharpen you into becoming a better person.
Even though you might still have feelings for your ex, let what you’ve learned from this article give you the insight and strength to move on with your life.
We all need to be in a relationship to see ourselves more clearly. If we do this, we will put out more positive energy into the universe.
Failed relationships don’t mean that we are failures, look at the situation on a positive note, and know that relationships that never worked serve the purpose of making us better people.