How to Know if You're Ready for Marriage
The time has come, and you think that you’ve finally found Mr. or Mrs. Right. Wedding bells are trilling in the background, and doves are flying overhead, but are you really ready to get married? Are your cold feet warranted, or are you just being a worrywart? How do you know you’re really truly ready? Well, follow your heart and follow the signs when asking yourself the following questions before saying “I do.”
Questions to ask yourself before getting married
1. Do You Love Yourself?
You can’t truly love another until you love yourself. It’s important to know and love yourself as you are before committing yourself to another. Take some time to consider what confidence you have in yourself before taking the plunge. It’s best to do the growing now rather than outgrowing your partner and then growing apart. If you are happy as you are and confident in your goals and dreams, it’s now time to consider both your partner and your relationship.
2. Are You Looking for Anyone Else?
If you find yourself fantasizing about anyone but your betrothed or are keeping a backup man or woman around in case things don’t work out, don’t get married. A good sign that you are happy and confident in a relationship is if you don’t think about anyone the same way you think of your partner.
Sure there are celebrities, and heartthrobs abound, but these are fantasies. Lusting after Jennifer Lawrence or Chris Evans doesn’t mean that you aren’t fully committed to your relationship but flirting with the cashier at the local Starbucks is a big red flag that you aren’t ready to be married.
By getting married and exchanging vows, you are giving your complete self to your partner and doing so while still having thoughts of others reckless disregarding their feelings.
3. Do You and Your Partner Apologize After Fights?
Apologizing after a fight, disagreement, or mistake is a good sign that your relationship is healthy and thriving. Accepting that you each have faults is important when growing together as a couple and apologizing after showing that you both care about and recognize each other’s feelings.
No couple is perfect, and fights are bound to break out no matter how small they maybe, if you and your partner always cool off, apologize and have a discussion afterward, you’re in great hands. It’s Important to note that this means an occasional debate or disagreement, not a nightly occurrence that terrorizes your neighborhood.
4. Do You Ever Threaten to Leave Your Partner Over Disagreements?
If neither of you ever threatens to leave, it means that you are both committed and want to stay in the relationship. If you or your partner threatens to leave at any small mishap, you may not want to get married.
Whoever is issuing the threat is effectively stating that they are okay with leaving the relationship, which isn’t something anyone wants in a spouse. The threat of leaving can also be used for control in the relationship, which is unnecessarily toxic and harmful to you both as a couple.
5. Do You Ever Set Your Partner Up or Test Them?
This can be as mundane as checking your partner’s phone without their knowledge to as intense as enlisting a friend to lure them into cheating. If you’re testing your partner to make sure they’re telling the truth then you should not get married.
This goes the same for if you find your partner constantly testing you. If there is no trust, there is no real relationship. Marriages are built on a foundation of trust, and if you have to test your partner to make sure they’re the one, they are not the one.
6. Do You Ever Feel That You Want to Change Your Partner?
Marrying someone because you think they will change is as insane as trying to shovel snow in the Sahara. Marriages are not to heal a divide between you both as a couple or force you into being perfect for each other. Marriages are for forging a bond between two people that love each other wholly and completely.
Ideally, when getting married, you and your partner should be best friends as well as partners. You should fully accept each other for who you are and continue to grow together as you grow old together. Going into the pact of marriage with the intent of changing your spouse is toxic and will ultimately spoil the relationship and end the marriage.
7. Do You Know Your Partner’s Goals and Dreams?
When you look into the future, what do you see? What does your partner see? Before getting married, you and your partner need to sit down and have a discussion about what your long term goals are. This will open up the floor to all of your possibilities, or it will point out that you both want different things from your future.
Making sure everything is agreed upon, noting here that people change and plans can also change, you at least know that you two are compatible when it comes to your goals.
8. Are You in a Balanced Relationship?
It is important to give and take in a relationship, two pieces working as a whole for the good of you both. If it seems like your partner may be taking more than they’re giving, you may want to hold off on marriage. By doing things for one another and supporting each other, the couple becomes stronger.
If one party is working on, in, or for the relationship more than the other, it can be toxic to the bond. Make sure that you and your partner both feel that the relationship is equal before saying, “I do.”
9. Do You Share in Each Other’s Hobbies?
The rest of your life is a potentially very long time, and you are vowing to spend that entire time with your partner in a marriage. If you share in each other’s hobbies, both enthusiastically and just because of love them, you will have a happier life together and a healthier relationship.
This can be both having a love for video games, liking the same kind of television, enjoying activities like concerts together, or loving the same sport. The more hobbies that you have in common, the healthier the relationship will be overall.
10. Do You Miss Dating?
If you miss the chase of dating, you may not be ready to settle down yet. Committing to marriage while still actively missing dating can lead to feelings of resentment in a marriage or can lead you or your partner to cheat. The thrill of the chase ends once you have made the perfect catch.
11. Do You Want a Marriage, or Do You Only Want a Wedding?
Some people may feel like they have to settle down by a certain age to start a family or may dream of having a big beautiful wedding, but these are not reasons to get married. You should be planning your marriage more than you’re planning your wedding.
The happiness you feel at the prospect of being with your partner for the rest of your life should outweigh the want of having a wedding. If you want a big party, just throw a big party and don’t accidentally break your partner’s heart in the process.
12. Do You Openly Discuss Money With Your Partner?
Money is a big part of every relationship and a pivotal point of any marriage. If you and your partner aren’t comfortable discussing money with one another, then you may not be ready to get married. As a partnership, you must agree with and understand your partner’s financial situation.
This is not to come from a place of judgment, it’s just simply important that you know each other’s debts and spending habits before becoming a problem. If you two aren’t in an agreeable place financially, it may be better to put the wedding off for now.
13. Are You Getting Married for You or for Someone Else?
Outside pressures to get married are never a reason to get married. The opinions on the matter that really, well, matter are those of you and your partner. Family and friends can try to influence a relationship and push you towards marriage before you’re really ready and can poison a healthy relationship by pushing you into the commitment too soon.
Your friends and family’s opinions should be more of an afterthought and a bonus when getting married because it’s your life, and you should be able to spend it with who you choose at the time that you choose them. Don’t let any questions about grandchildren force you into a bond before you’re ready.
If considering the questions above, you find yourself more confident than ever in your relationship, congratulations, you’re ready to get married to the love of your life. If you find yourself unsure in yourself or in your partner, it may be better to postpone the nuptials for now.
If the relationship is one that should end in marriage, love will find a way, and you’ll be married someday. If the relationship ends because you feel like you aren’t ready to get married, then so be it, it wasn’t meant to be. Overall the most important thing is that you are confident in yourself and your relationship before promising your partner the world.