27 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner
1. You’re crazy.
Nobody likes to be called crazy. Calling someone crazy doesn’t make them sound less crazy; it’s only hurtful. Especially if your partner struggles with their mental health, you should avoid saying something like this to them.
2. Like if you were any better.
If your partner is complaining about something you’re doing, listen to them. They’re likely trying to communicate something that bothers them. Responding with “like if you were any better” isn’t constructive; it’s just childish and a way to avoid dealing with a possible problem.
3. Don’t bring your family.
If your partner wants their family to be present somewhere, you should have a very good reason as to why they shouldn’t be allowed there. Unless your partner is completely in the wrong, and it’s truly inappropriate, or there isn’t capacity for family members, you should never say this to them.
4. You have to.
This is a typical response when your partner says no to something. If they don’t want to go somewhere or do something, that’s their choice. You can beg and whine as much as you like, but you should never tell them they have to do it.
5. I didn’t say you could.
You don’t have to give your partner permission to do anything. They are a grown person who can make their own decisions. Unless they are using something that is yours, it is unacceptable for you to tell them they can’t do something because you didn’t say they could.
6. I don’t care.
It’s horrible to hear that your partner doesn’t care. There are many ways you can answer if you are upset, or you can choose not to answer anything at all. Either option is better than replying that you don’t care just because you’re not happy with them at the moment.
7. You shouldn’t feel that way.
Never tell anyone they shouldn’t feel a certain way, especially your partner. Instead, validate their feelings and try to understand why they feel that way. It will be much more productive than not allowing them to feel a certain way.
8. You can’t.
Who are you to tell your partner they can’t do something? There should never be a sentence that starts with “you can’t” because that’s not true. They are in charge of themselves, and they can do anything.
9. Don’t wear that.
Restricting what your partner can or can’t wear is not supportive. You should strive to be the person who supports your partner the most. If you don’t like something they’re wearing, only share your opinion if they ask for it, and do it in a respectful way.
10. You look too provocative.
Like we just said, you shouldn’t restrict your partner from wearing something, even if you think it’s too provocative. This comes from a place of jealousy or insecurity. Instead, appreciate and embrace this side of them, and feel lucky they look like that next to you and not someone else.
11. After this drink, you’re done.
It’s okay to want to take care of your partner when they’re out drinking, but there are other ways to do this. You can suggest that it’s time to slow down a little bit, offer them water, or something to eat, without imposing a restriction. This will be received much better by them, and you are being more considerate as well.
12. I hated the gift you got me.
This is simply rude and unappreciative. It’s something you shouldn’t say to your partner or anyone. If you really don’t like something they gave you, and you know that they want you to love it, there are nicer ways to communicate that.
13. Stop hanging out with.
You should never start a sentence with “stop hanging out with” because it’s not your choice who they hang out with. If you really don’t like someone for a valid reason, you can share this with them constructively, but you need to respect their decision at the end of the day.
14. I don’t like your friends.
Too bad if you don’t like their friends; they’re not your friends, so you don’t need to put up with them. There is no need to be rude about the people your partner chooses to surround themselves with.
15. You’re not allowed to do what you want.
This is incorrect. Your partner is 100% allowed to do whatever they want, at least with their life, themselves, and their belongings. You can’t enforce that they ask you for permission when their decisions have nothing to do with you.
16. Life was better before you.
If you’re angry with them and you say this in the heat of the moment, it’s very hurtful and not okay. If you really think this, then take a moment to ask yourself why you’re with them. It’s not nice, and it won’t make them feel good to hear this or make you feel good to say it.
17. You’re acting like.
Phrases such as “you’re acting like a jerk” or “you’re acting like an idiot” aren’t kind things to say, and they won’t change anything. If your partner truly acts that way, they need help, and you can try providing that. Help them see how they’re acting and help them find a solution instead of simply telling them they’re acting poorly.
18. You’re acting like a child.
Although this pertains to the point above, you should specifically avoid telling your partner they are acting like a child because it’s another phrase that won’t resolve anything. Once the situation at hand passes, you can try to tell them you thought they were acting immaturely and point out why, but you need to do this correctly, with patience.
19. You look fat.
Never comment on anyone’s appearance, let alone your partner’s appearance. You never know what someone is going through, and they might have an insecurity with their body that you just triggered. There are ways to communicate that it seems like they might be gaining weight if you are concerned for their health. If you are concerned about their image, however, that is not right.
20. What’s wrong with you?
When you’re arguing with your partner, and you’re upset, it might seem like a normal thing to say. If they are struggling with a mental illness, this can be really harmful to them, and it will affect them more than you can imagine. It’s an unkind thing to say.
21. Be quiet.
Phrases that silence your partner are never okay. If you don’t like something they are saying, unfortunately, part of being respectful and mature is toughing it out and having to listen to it. If you truly can’t handle it, the next best thing is to excuse yourself from that situation.
22. I hate you.
If you really hate that person, then end the relationship. If you’re saying it out of spite, you’re out of line and should rethink what you’re saying. It might seem like they don’t care or like it doesn’t bother them, but no one likes to hear that someone hates them.
23. I should break up with you.
Never say something like this; it’s basically threatening to break up with them, and that won’t solve any kind of argument or disagreement you’re having. If you really feel this way, then you should break up with your partner without claiming that you should do it.
24. I wish we never met.
This is an extremely hurtful statement, and it falls into the category of “I hate you.” Some things come from a place of anger, but that doesn’t make it okay to say.
25. You are my worst decision.
No one should be told they are someone’s worst decision because you were a decision too, and you don’t hear them saying that to you even as a response when you say it to them.
26. You suck.
If you’re upset, take a minute to calm down so you avoid saying hurtful things like this. Speaking out of anger or frustration will only ever hurt your partner.
27. You’re a terrible person.
Even if they did a terrible thing to you, you can choose to be the bigger person and walk away without saying harmful things.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I do if my partner says things like this to me?
If your partner says things like the ones we’ve listed above on a regular basis, you need to have a serious conversation with them and let them know that it’s not okay. You don’t necessarily have to break up with them, but you might strongly consider it. Make sure to make it clear that you are no longer going to allow this behavior and that it’s very hurtful.
Is it possible for my partner to change?
Yes, it is possible for your partner to change, but they have to want to change. It’s very likely that they’re going to lash out when they have a lot of stressful things going on in their lives, and although that doesn’t make it okay, it can give you hope that this isn’t the way they are, and they are capable of stopping this behavior.
Why are they saying these things to me?
Usually, when your partner says things like this to you, it’s from a place of anger or because they are experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. It’s likely not you, but them.
To sum it all up, you shouldn’t allow your partner or anyone to ever say anything in the list mentioned above, and although it can be difficult to set boundaries, you need to do so to avoid hearing hurtful things.