We all experience insecurity and jealousy at various points in our lives. These are emotions that pop up in all kinds of people; young and old alike; successful and unfortunate. They may seem overwhelming at times but you can overcome them with a little work and effort.
Remember that hundreds – if not thousands – of people overcome feelings of jealousy and insecurity every day, and if they can do it then so can you, and the following information will show you how to do it.
How Do Jealousy and Insecurity Begin?
Jealousy and insecurity begin with feelings of failure or inadequacy. These feelings emerge from the recognition of our own vulnerabilities, limitations, and failures.
Most people, however, don’t like to admit their limits, failures, and inadequacies. It’s an unpleasant form of self-knowledge and may even be self-destructive when taken to the extreme.
Jealousy is an outward expression of these feelings. On a primal level, they represent the instinct to take and hold property, mates, and resources. Think about the way animals fight for.
What separates that kind of behavior from the human competition is that humans have ethical and social rules, and these rules put limits on what we can and cannot do with regard to the things we want.
Eventually, our desires get bottled up, and they transform into feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and in worse cases, despair. So at their very core, these emotions are actually frustrations.
When a poor person sees a rich guy, he is reminded of the limits of his own material conditions, which makes him frustrated, which in turn makes him feel jealous and insecure about his own life.
Knowing how jealousy and insecurity develop is the first step in overcoming them, and people who understand why they are jealous or insecure are more likely to solve their problems than those who don’t.
So if you find yourself feeling jealous and insecure all the time then the first thing that you should do is to take a step back and examine your life. Why do you feel jealous? Why do you feel insecure?
What’s causing all these emotions? Answering them will require a certain amount of courage and self-honesty, but in the end, not only will they help you overcome your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, but they can also help improve your sense of self-worth.
So How Do You Overcome Insecurity and Jealousy?
There are two ways to approach feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Both approaches are not mutually exclusive, but for now, let’s discuss what they are.
The first approach involves looking at jealousy/inadequacy as irrational feelings and emotions. For example, a child may feel jealous of his sibling because of something his father or mother said. In such a situation, jealousy and inadequacy are caused by false stimuli.
Among adults, unfounded feelings of jealousy and inadequacy emerge from temporary threats. For example, your girlfriend’s ex accidentally bumped into you. You know that your girlfriend loves you, but the reptilian part of your brain registers the other guy as a threat even though he has made no overt move on your girl.
Unfortunately, there’s really no way to get rid of these feelings. You can control them, rationalize them or even suppress them but they are a natural part of our mental and emotional makeup. The best way to deal with unfounded feelings of jealousy and inadequacy is to remind yourself of the facts.
Like most emotions, they only feel real at the beginning but once things have settled down, and you’ve had the chance to look at the situation dispassionately, they will slowly die down.
The second approach is a little different. It involves recognizing jealousy and inadequacy as symptoms of a much larger problem. If you feel inadequate, unloved or even despised then it’s probably because your life is not as good as you’d like it to be.
So even if such emotions are completely based on false stimuli, the fact that you feel something is lacking in your life means that you should take the necessary steps to correct them.
And that’s what we’re going to discuss now.
1. Ask Yourself Why Are You Jealous
As we’ve said earlier, most forms of jealousy have a source or reason? Most people don’t want to confront these reasons, particularly when their emotions have gotten the best of them, but you should still try.
Let’s take a simple example. When people feel jealous of wealthier colleagues and friends, it’s usually because of their own relative inferior material conditions. So in this case, jealousy is caused by a feeling of inferiority.
On the other hand, single people will sometimes feel jealousy towards happy couples, and in their case, the jealousy is caused by frustration at their own romantic prospects. So in their case, their problem is really focused on their own poor relationships.
The important point here is that if you feel jealous or insecure constantly, it’s important that you identify those things which are causing you to experience these feelings. The idea is that if you understand your own emotions then you are one step closer to fixing them.
2. Examine Yourself
If your jealousy is caused by feelings of inadequacy, just remember that you’re not as inadequate as you think you are. After all, jealousy is a sign of will and effort. The fact that you feel these emotions is a sign that you have things in your life that you can still feel jealous about.
In contrast, truly hopeless persons don’t feel jealous or insecure because they have nothing left in their lives to feel jealous or insecure about. So as bad as things may seem, just remember that it’s not all bad.
The fact that you’re still jealous of people means that you still care and that you are still doing something with your life. Remember that in your darker hours
3. If Your Jealousy Is Rooted in Relationship Problems, It May Have More to Do With Your Relationship Than With You
Most forms of jealousy stem from poor relationships. After all, if your relationships keep falling apart then there must be something wrong with you, right? Not necessarily.
Sometimes, people have bad relationships because they keep picking the wrong type of girls, or they just don’t have the will to hold a relationship.
So if you feel jealous or inadequate because of relationship problems, just remember that it’s not always about you.
Sometimes, the problem may be the result of other factors, and when you examine those other factors in depth, not only will you be able to overcome some of your jealous feelings, you’ll also be able to fix some of your relationship problems.
4. Your Jealousy May Be Rooted in a Deeper Problem
Feelings of jealousy and inadequacy are often interrelated, but they can also be symptoms of a much deeper problem. Regrets, failures and even embarrassments can manifest as feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. They can also morph into feelings of resentment.
So if you suspect that your feelings are rooted in these kinds of problems then you will need to sort out your deeper problems before you can even think about dealing with your jealousy and inadequacy issues.
For example, there are persons whose childhood memories are so bad that their experiences turn into psychological complexes, which in turn causes them to feel inadequate or jealous about the most trivial things.
Unfortunately, for such people, they won’t be able to deal with their feelings of jealousy until they have fixed their childhood problems.
So if you have similar problems in your own life then you will need to take care of them first before you can start dealing with your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. You may even need to take up therapy, but it’ll all be worth it at the end.
5. Look at the Big Picture
Finally, you will need to look at the big picture. There are people out there who feel inadequate and empty even though they are relatively well off and prosperous. They experience these emotions because they are examining their lives within the context of very specific and arbitrary standards.
When people look at the bigger picture, however, things become more interesting. You’ll still feel jealousy and insecurity but you’ll also be able to put these feelings into a much more nuanced context.
The important point here is ‘nuance.’ Jealous people often lack all context and proportion. They want something and their need causes them to feel jealous or insecure.
However, when you examine those desires in the context of your life 10 years from now or even just a year from now, they will seem petty or even inconsequential.
Furthermore, jealousy and inadequacy can only exist in comparison to a superior thing.
Therefore, if your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy are due to certain comparisons that you draw towards people, put yourself in a larger context.
Are you really as unfortunate as you think you are or do you just feel that way because someone is on top of you?
When you look at your problems from this perspective, you’ll be able to overcome your jealousy much more easily.