Being cheated on is a horrible feeling. And since you’re here, it’s either you’re just simply curious or you’re suspicious of your girlfriend. The only worse feeling than being cheated on is not knowing for sure whether it’s really happening or not. Every little thing will seem suspicious and sooner or later, you’ll end up accusing your partner and it will turn your relationship into a toxic cycle of accusations and apologies.
The only way to know where you stand is to know the truth. But your girlfriend won’t just wake up one morning and decide to tell you what you’ve been dying to know, so how can you tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you?
5 Don’ts You Must Keep In Mind
Before we lay out the signs that will help you determine if your girlfriend is cheating on you, let us first talk about the lines you shouldn’t cross. It is very easy to fall into the temptation of invading your girlfriend’s privacy, but be careful, invading her privacy won’t do you any good.
It will only push her away from you and you’ll end up never knowing what's really going on. You’ll also be ruining your only chance of taking the high moral road, which you should. That being said, keep in mind the 5 things you should avoid doing:
- Don't stalk her.
- Don't look through her texts, emails, and phone records.
- Don't look through her browser history.
- Don't listen in on her calls.
- Don't interrogate her or her friends.
10 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You
Finding out if your girlfriend is cheating on you is like doing detective work. No matter how careful she is in her infidelity, there will always be some traces left behind and signs that will confirm your suspicion.
However, while all these signs tell that your girlfriend is most likely cheating on you, especially if you have observed several signs present, it is important to acknowledge that none of them offer definitive proof. It is possible that there are perfectly innocent reasons she might act in any one or several of the ways listed below.
1. You’ve caught her in a lie.
This is probably the first hint you will pick up when you’re suspicious that your girlfriend might be cheating on you. She starts lying about things, even the smallest ones.
No matter how small or big of a lie that is, lying to your partner usually stems from a much bigger issue including infidelity. If she lies about what time she got off work, her whereabouts, who she’s been with, there is definitely something going on.
2. She seems distracted and emotionally distant.
Your once attentive and clingy girlfriend barely wants to spend time with you. On the rare occasions that you’re together, it always feels like her mind is somewhere else...or, with someone else.
According to family therapist David Klow, if your partner’s actions start changing, it might be a sign that he or she is cheating on you.When something about your partner changes, no matter how little or drastic that change may be, you will definitely notice.
Being emotionally disconnected is a typical response of someone who is cheating on you. She’s doing it to keep her from feeling guilty when she finally decides to break things off with you.
The mentality behind this is that if she has already pushed you away, it will be easier for her to say goodbye. Another reason why she’s being emotionally distant is because she doesn’t have the guts to initiate the break up. In short, she’s waiting for you to call things off by pushing you away.
3. She pays a lot of attention to her phone.
Sure, everyone pays a lot of attention to their phone these days. But if she’s on her phone instead of talking to you while you’re having dinner, that wouldn’t feel right. According to Psychologist Weiss from Psychology Today, someone who is cheating tends to be overly possessive of their computer and phone as if their lives depend on it.
If your girlfriend recently set up a password for her phone, clears browser history on a regular basis, and starts bringing her phone in the bathroom when they shower, you would be right to be suspicious of her.
She may do these things either in a subtle way or in an extremely obvious manner. But if she’s totally obvious about it and couldn’t care less about what you might think, you should be worried because things are most likely in a pretty bad state in your relationship.
4. She’s suddenly too busy.
There seems to be nothing wrong with being busy, especially if you’re both working adults. But if you used to spend some time together, and all of a sudden, she has a full plate and there’s completely no room for you at all, there’s definitely something going on.
When you ask for some of her time, she may get angry and call you needy. When this happens, it is important to acknowledge that it is not personal, it is just her way of keeping you at bay. It is also important to avoid acting desperate and beg for her to spend time with you. The last thing you want to do if you think your girlfriend is cheating on you is to lose your dignity.
When she gets home after a long busy day, ask her how her day has been. She will most likely make excuses: flat tires, over-time at work, traffic jams, among other things. But sooner or later, she will run out of made-up excuses.
According to relationship and betrayal trauma-focused life coach Karina Wallace, if you have been with your girlfriend for a long time and being this busy is not normal, then it is definitely something to pay attention to. However, being busy alone does not conclude that your partner is cheating, but it can be a good indicator if there are a few other factors changing concurrently.
5. There’s a significant change in your sex life.
Sex expert Robert Weiss claims that both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in a relationship can be a sign of infidelity. It doesn’t matter if your girlfriends isn’t interested in having sex with you anymore or she wants to have sex more often than usual.
What you’re generally looking for is a sudden shift in normal behavior. Your girlfriend may not be interested in having sex anymore because of someone else or she may want more sex to cover her tracks so you won’t be suspicious.
Sure, every relationship has ups and downs, and there may be days that you don’t feel like getting intimate even if you’re not cheating. It happens and it is perfectly normal, but if you feel like your partner is pulling away from you, you just know it and there’s usually a reason behind it.
The best thing to do is simply ask your partner. More often than not, you would know if she’s cheating based on how she responds.
6. She no longer invites you to hang out with her and her friends.
You know who her friends are and they know you. She used to invite you to hang out with them all the time. And now, she doesn’t want you anywhere near her friends and tells you to be considerate of their “girls’ night out”.
If your girlfriend is cheating on you, her friends most likely know about it, and she’s keeping you away from them so you won’t pick up any hint. It’s not a question of why they tolerate infidelity, that’s just what friends do, they keep each other’s secrets. After all, your girlfriend is their friend, not you.
7. She’s light on details.
You used to know every tiny detail about her day. You used to know that she goes to the gym on weekdays, church on weekends, wine night with her friends on Friday nights, but you no longer know what she’s up to recently. And when you ask her, she answers vaguely and she may even get mad at you for asking too many questions.
She used to fill you in on all the details and gossip she has learned throughout the day, now she barely tells you anything. It could be that there’s really nothing going on in her day for her to share with you or there’s a lot going on with her and someone else. It’s one way or another.
8. She’s always looking for reasons to argue.
The other day, it was about you being 5 minutes late. Yesterday, she picked a fight over where to eat. Today, she’s accusing you of cheating on her because of a group picture wherein you were standing beside a female co-worker.
Everything seems to be an issue for her, all of which always causes a fight.These initiatives to argue can come in many different forms, but it all boils down to one thing: she is no longer happy being in a relationship with you and she will bring up every possible reason to get out of it.
A constant initiative to argue is a very common symptom of someone who is trying to ease their own guilty conscience. By turning you into the bad guy, it makes it easier for her to justify her actions and get out of the relationship easier.
If she doesn’t have the guts to break up with you, she will try to manipulate you into wanting to call things off. Either way, she gets what she wants without you knowing about her infidelity.
9. She starts talking about the future in a different way.
When she talks about the future, the word “we” seems to have disappeared. If she used to include you in all her future plans, and now she wants to do things alone, that’s usually not a good sign. When you ask your girlfriend why she’s not including you in her plans, chances are, she will just brush it off and tell you to stop being silly.
According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, major commitments about future plans make it more difficult for someone to get out of the relationship easily. In short, someone who is cheating will remove you out of the picture even before the relationship ends. That way, it will be easier to call things off when she finally decides to break up with you.
10. She seems to be always on edge.
Someone who is cheating has a tendency to show signs of nervousness. If your girlfriend seems to be cranky or nervous all the time, it is likely that she is feeling guilty about cheating on you. If she doesn’t feel bad about her infidelity, it is more probable that she would not show any sign of nervousness.
According to psychologist Deborah E. Dyer, someone who is feeling guilty about cheating will experience stress-related symptoms including sleep problems, stomach aches, and loss of appetite, in addition to constant nervousness.
However, just because your girlfriend is feeling guilty about her infidelity, does not mean she will quit cheating. It is possible that these signs of remorse are simply the physical body’s way of dealing with stress.
Your girlfriend could display some or all of these signs and still not be cheating. But these signs remain as indicators that there might be something going on in the relationship that you need to talk about. It might not be cheating, but it is definitely still an issue that needs to be sorted.
At the same time, your girlfriend could exhibit none of these signs and still be cheating. These signs are not definitive proof that your partner is cheating on you.
If you’re suspicious of your girlfriend and your instincts tell you that she’s cheating, you shouldn’t ignore it. The most ideal response would be to talk to her about it, tell her about your suspicions and the reasons why you feel that way.
Chances are, you’ll find your answer based on how she responds. Your observation on how she reacts can help you decide if you can trust her and whether the relationship is worth keeping.