First Conversation Red Flags
A red flag is an indicator of when something isn’t quite right. Anything negative or a little off could be considered a red flag. You may notice red flags in many different things, and it’s important to be able to identify them and know what to look out for. Below you will learn how to identify a red flag when you are having a conversation with someone for the first time and what signs you should look out for.
Keep in mind the following red flags could be observed during a conversation in person, over the phone if you are having a conversation for the first time with someone on a chat line, or maybe even through text.
First Conversation Red Flags to look out for
He doesn’t introduce himself.
If the guy you are talking to for the first time jumps straight ahead and doesn’t even introduce himself to you, it’s a major red flag and indicates that he doesn’t respect you. Introductions are important, so you know who you’re talking to, and by skipping this step, he will be setting himself up for failure.
He avoids responding to questions.
Maybe you’ve noticed that he doesn’t want to answer all of the questions you have for him. Assuming that you’re not overstepping your boundaries and the questions are reasonable, if he avoids responding to your questions, that’s a red flag. That being said, make sure you are asking important questions when you first meet someone but don’t pry. As long as you’re asking relevant questions without being excessive, he has no reason to avoid answering.
Talks too much.
Imagine you are having a conversation with someone, in person or on the phone, and they talk so much you can’t get a word in. That no longer makes you feel like you are having a conversation but instead like you’re listening to a monologue. This red flag indicates that he will likely carry all of his conversations the same way. Keep in mind that he may be rambling or going on and on because he’s nervous, so although this is a red flag, you could try leading the conversation next time to see if the situation improves.
Doesn’t talk enough.
Not talking enough is also a red flag. When you’re having a conversation, finding the sweet spot and talking just the right amount is important. Share about yourself, but also allow the other person to share about themselves. Oftentimes, when you’re having a conversation for the first time is when you get to know someone, so it’s important to find balance. If he can’t find that balance and barely talks at all, it’s a red flag.
They don’t carry the conversation well.
This is a red flag because when you’re looking for a potential partner, ideally, you want your conversations to go well, and you want to feel comfortable knowing that the person you are interested in can carry a conversation well. This is important not only when he is talking with you, but eventually, if you introduce him to other people, if he has the ability to carry a conversation well, it will help him tremendously.
Talks too much about himself.
Talking to someone who is self-centered is frustrating. It won’t make for good conversation, and you should consider it a red flag. Your conversations will only ever be about him or his interests, and he’ll rarely care about your input unless it benefits him in some way. Although it may seem too soon to tell, if this is what he’s like while having a conversation for the first time, this is what he will be like in the relationship as well.
Isn’t interested in hearing what you have to say.
This is a huge red flag. One thing is to not be a good listener, and another is to simply not be interested in what the other person has to say. If he’s not interested in what you want to share with him or talk about, don’t think it will change. Take it as the red flag it is, and don’t entertain the conversation any longer.
He interrupts you frequently.
Listening politely when you’re having a conversation is the bare minimum. If he can’t listen long enough and constantly interrupts you, that’s a red flag. It’s a terrible sign if it’s only the first conversation and he’s already doing poorly. The only reason you might want to think about giving him another chance is if the interruptions are due to him being too eager to talk to you. He could just be really excited, and he can’t help it. If that’s the case, you could give him another chance, but if he continues to interrupt you after that, it’s definitely a red flag you’ll want to acknowledge.
He wants to finish all of your sentences.
This is similar to the point mentioned above about interruptions, however, he’s not quite trying to interrupt you, he wants to guess how you’re going to finish your sentence. This can be annoying and should be taken as a red flag if he does it too much because he is likely doing it because he thinks he knows everything. It might make him come off as a bit full of himself, and you’ll get tired of this quickly.
One thing is talking too much, but you might have noticed that not only does he talk too much, but he gives you too much information about himself. Remember, you’re just starting to talk to him for the first time, you’re strangers otherwise. The normal thing to do would be to share certain things about yourself, but avoid talking about topics that are too personal or too deep until you’ve gone out, talked on the phone, or texted for longer.
He doesn’t like it if you mention another guy.
This is a major red flag because it’s your first conversation. It would be very odd for someone to be jealous during a first conversation. Perhaps they could feel slightly let down because they thought you were single and that they had a chance, and mentioning a guy might confuse them, but other than that, there is no reason for him to be bothered by that.
He changes the subject too frequently.
This is a red flag because he can’t have a conversation long enough for you to learn more about him. You will be able to gather bits and pieces about things, but you won’t be able to really begin the process of getting to know him. It’ll also be hard to have a good conversation in general, because he’s bouncing around from subject to subject too much.
He doesn’t listen when you talk.
When you’re having a conversation, it’s equally important to be a good speaker as it is to be a good listener. If he simply doesn’t listen to you, then simply skip him, it’s a red flag.
He warns you about himself.
He might say something like ‘I’m terrible at replying’ or ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’. Although it’s a red flag for him to have warnings about himself so early on, it’s good that he’s aware there might be some things that aren’t okay about how he acts. Also, although it might be too soon to be telling you that he only wants to be friends, it’s also important that he lets you know right away that whatever you may have will be friendly, so you know not to get your hopes up.
He gives vague answers when you ask certain questions.
You definitely shouldn’t expect him to give every little detail about every little thing, but he should give a substantial answer to most questions. If he avoids giving you too much information with everything you ask, this is a red flag. He shouldn’t be trying to hide anything from you.
He talks about his ex.
Bringing up your ex is almost always a bad thing to do, and if he’s bringing up his ex within the first conversation, he’s probably not over her or tends to compare anyone he meets to her. Considering you’re probably talking to him because you’re interested in getting to know him to see where it could possibly go, it wouldn’t be good for you if he’s still thinking about his ex. This is a red flag you won’t want to ignore.
He makes inappropriate comments.
Respect is a basic thing that needs to be present in any conversation. This is a red flag if he barely knows you and he’s making inappropriate comments. The best thing you can do is let him know you find that rude, or maybe even offensive, and if he apologizes and realizes he made a mistake, perhaps you could consider continuing the conversation. However, if you don’t want to continue the conversation or he doesn’t apologize, simply excuse yourself before he continues being rude.
If he initiated the conversation late at night.
It’s normal for people to be using a chat line late at night to meet new people, but if you met him somewhere else, such as a dating app and he could’ve talked to you earlier but instead waited for it to be late at night, it could mean something else. He might only be talking to you because he wants a quick and easy hookup, in which case you want to take this as a red flag.
Finalizing, there are many red flags listed above that are important to consider, however, don’t overwhelm yourself trying to remember all of them. When you’re having a conversation with someone for the first time, remember key things to look out for, such as talking about his ex, not listening well, interrupting constantly, or lacking the ability to carry the conversation. Those are some of the most important red flags you won’t want to miss.