We cannot dispute the fact that everybody hurts when relationships end. Break ups are usually tricky, even to the party that is ready to cut the other off. One may be ready to be out of a relationship, but this does not mean that they are cool with knowing that disappointing or hurting their better half, boyfriend, or girlfriend will be easy.
Break ups often involve complicated and sensitive conversations, which may evoke different kinds of emotions. It can be challenging for one to bring up the topic or to navigate the murky waters of ending a relationship.
There are instances where you might not have a hard time breaking up with someone. For example, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is a psycho who acts up at the slightest hints of suspicion or misunderstandings or where one constantly cheats.
We have seen people skip important events that mean everything to their spouse to watch ballgames or to party with their friends. Such situations do not require one think twice about breaking up because they are in a toxic relationship.
However, it’s a different ballgame if you had spent years investing in your relationship and coloring a perfect picture relationship of what the two of you have going.
What happens when the person you are breaking up with is lovely, attractive, great, and smart? Breaking up with someone who enjoys walking your dog or listens to you every time you whine about your coworkers can break your heart to a thousand pieces because deep down, you feel that the person you are about to break up with does not deserve what is coming.
We are going to discuss different ways you can civilly ‘dump’ a person and make the experience less hurtful to both parties. Relationship experts deem the following ideas as the best break up methods:
1. Break Up at the Right Time
There is never the right time for a break up. However, psychotherapists advise that it should be done when your significant other is not stressed about other life issues.
For instance, dumping a person when he or she has just lost his or her job or when his or her loved one has just departed to dance with the nymph is downright insensitive. Always know that the conversation will eventually happen, but you do not need to make the other person feel worse than they are already feeling.
2. Be Specific
Most times, we do not end relationships because we get everything that we want from our significant other. The truth is, we may have fallen out of love a long time ago, and we were giving the other person a chance to make amends.
The second chance that you might have given them might be the hundredth time. You might have entertained so much, and you are tired of persevering.
If this is the case, mention the behavior(s) that are you bugging you. So, instead of saying, “you are too clingy, I can’t be with you.” You can rephrase it to, “when I’m with my friends, I always feel like I can’t always be with you the way you expect me to.”
If you are tired of their cheating habits, let them know that you cannot entertain such behavior in your life.
3. Never Criticize or Attack the Other Person
It’s never a good idea to point out character flaws or to blame your soon to be ex during a break up. If you want to break up with a person without causing much fuss, you have to keep such things to yourself. Refraining from personal attacks while being honest is key when dealing with break ups.
4. Never Give False Hopes
If you have made up your mind and are sure that you are not turning back, do not give your significant other false hope by making them think that you are on a break or you will sort things out after a while.
Hinting that there is a possibility of getting back together is the worst thing you can do to your soon-to-be-ex. Make it crystal clear that you are putting an end to your relationship once and for all.
5. Say Positive Things
Although most relationships end negatively by hurling insults or pulling each other down, you do not have to go down that road. It’s a good idea to throw some positive things to make the other person feel somewhat better.
Highlight the positive attributes that you like about them so that they can feel appreciated. Doing this shows that you genuinely care about them.
6. Explain What Is Going on
Explaining why you want to break up with your better half puts things in the open. It makes them understand why you have decided to end your relationship so that they can move on in peace without kicking themselves too much.
7. Break Up in Person
Respecting the fact that you have been together for a while and have shared a lot of sweet moments is crucial when breaking up. If you are sure that you cannot be in a relationship anymore, let the other person know that from you. They do not have to hear it from third parties.
The best way to break up is by telling the person about your decision when you are face-to-face.
8. Don't Break Up in Public Places
Breaking up in public places is never a good idea. It might leave the other person in a confused state, and this might cloud their judgment, which might result in nasty scenarios like getting into an accident when going back home.
9. Break Up in the Other Person’s Home
If breaking up with your significant other in a public place is impossible, the most prudent thing to do is to end your relationship at their home. This is preferred because it won’t leave the person being dumped in unnecessary dangers such as self-destruction or self-harm on their way home. Always put yourself in a position where you will be the one walking out of the door.
10. Don’t Be Brutally Honest
Honesty is the best policy. When you are about to break up, don’t be the brutal wolf that attacks other pack members. Being verbally violent might make the situation worse, especially if the person being dumped is faint-hearted. Be as honest as you can and try to be gentle.
11. Have Good Intentions
Think of the qualities that you like about your better half and tell them that you have always loved them for that. Show them that you are not spiteful and that you wish them all the best in their future endeavors.
Doing this shows that you are mature enough to walk out of the relationship without having hard feelings. Having bad blood with the person you used to love is the last thing you need.
12. Never Avoid Break Up Conversations
Postponing this talk is bad for both parties, especially for the one doing the break up. Putting things off can lead to your intentions leaking, and this will worsen the situation.
13. Never Say Things You Might Regret
At times, it is normal to say hurtful things when we are hurt. However, to be the better person, never hurl insults or say things that you might regret. Be very respectful and always watch your tone.
Never raise your voice or engage the other person in a shouting match.
14. Allow the Other Person to Decide if They’ll Contact You
You might get the urge of maintaining a friendly rapport or checking in on your ex. Resist the feeling by all means. Give the person being dumped the opportunity to decide if you’ll be in constant touch or not.
Respect their decision if they say that they do not want to talk to you. Let them move on in peace. Scratching a healing wound only makes it worse.
15. Think of What You’ll Say Before Breaking Up
At this point, you already know that you are going to end your relationship. Think of the things that you will tell them so that when you are doing the breaking up, all hell does not break loose. If possible, recite your words and make sure that they are respectful.
16. Ask for Their Perspective
You do not need permission to break up with your partner. Give your better half a chance of explaining things from their point of view. Asking them about what they think about your move shows that you still consider and respect their opinion.
17. Remain Sensitive
No one ever anticipates a break up, and we never know how the other person is going to react. Other than getting surprised and frustrated, he/she might be completely emotional, and he/she might end up hurling insults.
If such a thing happens, try to understand them by being sensitive about the situation.
18. Acknowledge Your Decision
Take responsibility and acknowledge your decision. Do not try and play the blame game. Say what you need to without pointing fingers.
19. Listen Keenly Without Defending Yourself
Hear you're soon to be ex out. Answer the questions they ask you honestly and do not try to defend yourself. Listen when they voice their concerns and respond wisely.
20. Never Have Break Up Sex
When it comes to break ups, the rule of the thumb is never to have break up sex. Doing so only confuses both of you.
In as much as breaking up with your partner might seem like a painful process. Making use of the tips discussed in this article makes the situation better and manageable.
It shows that you care even if you will not be present in their future lives. When you follow these guidelines, someday your partner will look back and appreciate the memorable times you spent together.