How to Get Over Shyness

Sam Lynn

By Sam Lynn

Est. Reading Time: 21 Mins

How to Get Over Shyness

Shyness holds people back is from a lot of things. The results that come with shyness are a tad less glamorous. Missed opportunities, lack of awareness, and feelings of getting left out are some of the repercussions of shyness.

If unchecked, shyness, which is often a result of anxiety, can lead to serious life conditions such as depression. Shyness interferes with how we get along with others in social situations.

Some people experience crippling fear just by the thought of interacting with others-especially if these people are new to them. To shy people, deliberate isolation is like a knee-jerk reaction when it comes to avoiding associating with other people.

Research shows that shy people suffer from low self-esteem. Their main concern is what others think of them. Out of fear of rejection, shy individuals often self-sabotage while in pursuit of isolation. How does this happen?

Ever heard of the phrase, “don’t build yourself a fortress to keep other people out?” The quote warms of the dangers of isolation. Shy people tend to avoid growing closer to others. They give excuses every time they are invited to social gatherings.

Causes of Shyness

What are the causes of shyness?
What are the causes of shyness?

Did you know that over 18 million Americans are shy? Research into shyness suggests different causes of shyness. Among the causes include parental influences, genetic factors, environmental factors, emotional abuse during childhood or traumatic social episodes.

Shyness can have a massive impact when it comes to your well-being. It always leads to isolation which causes emotional problems such as chronic social anxiety. Some people, especially those around 18-25, are shy because they are insecure about their physical looks.

They tend to think that others perceive them as ugly, too fat, too slim or simply unattractive. Other possible causes of shyness are:

  • Perfectionism: People aiming to say everything in a perfect manner end up saying less of what they had planned because shyness creeps in.
  • Inferiority complex: People with a tendency of feeling inferior around others are always shy. If you feel worthless or inferior around others, you become reluctant in interacting with them or expressing yourself.
  • Lack of self-confidence: lack of confidence or low self-esteem causes the brain to respond in a way that you feel like you are protecting yourself from others if you do not interact with them. This kind of response is usually as a result of shyness.
  • Lack of social skills: As pointed out earlier, social skills are crucial for interaction. Lack of social skills makes a person to inhibit himself or herself around others. Lack of something to say around your peers brings feelings of shyness.
  • Fear of People: A dysfunctional family or a bad past such as rejection and getting bullied by your peers may lead to problems like fear of people or the fear of intimacy. These problems also cause shyness.
  • Self-image issues: There is no doubt that self-inhibiting thoughts lead to shyness. Telling yourself that, “I cannot approach that guy,” “she is way too hot for me,” “there is no way she is in my level,” “what will they think of me if I give this speech?” are some examples of inhibiting thoughts that cause shyness. For prosperity in public speaking and other relationships, be it romantic or casual, you have to get rid of the self-defeating assumptions in your head. Face your demons and conquer them, if you seem to be of the opinion that you cannot overcome your demons-of shyness, then exercise them. You will be surprised by the results. You will only succeed if you keep the fire in your belly burning. Always encourage yourself.

Scientific research indicates that the most crucial stage in life when building long-lasting relationships is the transition age. People between 18-26 years are in a period where they get to learn about responsibilities and other roles of adulthood.

It is also at this stage that most people get biologically compelled to start the search for a suitable companion with whom they can get into an intimate relationship with. Needless to say, social skills are vital to everyone who is at their transition years.

Overcoming Shyness

How to overcome shyness.
How to overcome shyness.

Overcoming shyness is the ultimate cheat code of building healthy relationships that last. Developing social skills enable people, especially the young, to know what they are looking for in permanent partners.

Social skills also give people more experience when it comes to handling stable relationships. Shy people who are unable to gain these experiences have impaired ability to develop permanent intimate relationships.

Shyness negatively affects your psychological well-being, your adult attachment, sexual satisfaction for those in relationships as well as their overall relationship quality.

Although people in relationships tend to be less shy than those who have committed to their partners, there are a lot of shy couples. Shy couples often have a problem with sexual satisfaction and intimacy since they find it hard to speak up. Their silence slowly kills their romance because one of the partners or both of them fear being judged if they speak their mind.

Shyness in couples not only kills the romance in relationships, but it also leads to insecure romantic attachments or attachment anxiety. Shy people not in relationships will most likely have an attachment avoidance issue.

Why is shyness such a key ingredient in healthy romantic relationships?Research shows that shy people have a hard time when communicating with their partners about personal matters. Such people are also less responsive to their partners. This makes it hard to solve problems that arise in the relationship.

Many single people are not willing to become intimate with others because they are not accustomed to being dependent on others. However, trust issues seem to be their primary concern.

The consequences that come with having the above-mentioned state of mind include lack of being investigative to potential relationships, health issues such as depression, and reduced social support. Shy people always feel nervous when they interact with potential partners.

The nervousness makes them avoid any scenario that may lead to being asked out on a date because they are pessimistic; they only look forward to the tension that would arise during dates.

At this point, you have a clue on the effects of shyness and how it can influence your underlying beliefs about trust issues as well as your self-worth. While it is normal to feel some type of way when meeting people for the first time, some dangers come with too much shyness; poorer quality relationships and loneliness are some of them.

This article is all about getting rid of the butterflies in your stomach whenever you come across new people. We aim to help you develop your self-confidence.

Working on your confidence enables you to maintain a positive attitude toward things and topics that relate to relationships. If you master, practice, and guard these tips with your heart, we guarantee that you will get rid of your shyness in a blink of an eye. Enough said, let’s have a discussion on tips of overcoming your shyness.

Six Ways of Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness.

Ways to overcome social anxiety.
ways to overcome social anxiety and shyness.

1. Show Confidence in your Actions

Confidence comes through learning, action, practice, and mastery. Can you recall the first time you got on a bike? At first, the feeling was scary. You might have fallen a few times due to self-doubt.

But when you got over the fear and felt confident, you rode the bike yourself without the support of the person who was teaching and encouraging you to do so.

The same applies to social confidence. When you are committed to being brave, your subconscious gains self-confidence without you noticing, and in due time, you quickly forget how you used to tuck tail during social interactions.

Always keep in mind that the Achilles heel is not the anxious feeling-everybody experiences this. The Goliath that you should stone are the negative thoughts that make you avoid social interactions. Once you can do this, you immediately overcome your shyness.

2. Practice Talking to Yourself

Most people who talk to themselves are deemed as having a loose screw by society. Contrary to this belief, people who speak to themselves are considered as geniuses. Why are they perceived to have high IQs? It is because they mostly anticipate what is to come and they prepare adequately for it.

When you continuously practice speaking to yourself, you hear your voice over and over; this not only raises your self-confidence, but it also helps you avoid the embarrassment that comes with mumbling too much or repeating yourself.

Speaking to yourself also enables you to do away with murmuring. If you find this practice too absurd, you can try recording yourself when speaking. Press play after you are through with the recording. Listen to what you have said and make improvements on the parts that require polishing.

3. Have Often Talks.

After you have mastered the art of talking to yourself, the next step is to exercise or put into practice what you have learned. Tell more stories or jokes. Practice giving presentations or speeches.

Be more expressive and talkative in every area of your life whether you are at work, with strangers, on a bus, on a train or with your friends. Always make sure that your voice is heard. You never know who might be impressed by you and initiate a conversation with you.

Lions are never bothered with the opinions of sheep. Most times, shy people might try to bring you down. But if you are unbothered by their views or what they think of you when you speak your mind, you soon realize that you have grown wings and can now fly on your own when it comes to sharing, engaging or connecting with others. Shyness and anxiety should not be the reason for your silence.

4. Try Out New Things

Even though you get anxious at the thought of trying out new things, push yourself to do them. Join an improvement class, a sports team, or make use of chat lines. Always challenge yourself to engage in an activity that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Overcoming shyness is all about developing self-confidence in different areas in your life. Do not let the fear of rejection, the fear of humiliation, the fear of failure or anxiety to get in your way.

Trying out new things helps you confront the fear of the unknown. Doing this will always give you a surge of confidence in whatever you do.

5. Work on Your Body Language.

When talking to others, it is crucial to make eye contact with them. Always walk with your head held up high. Shake hands. Stay close to those you talk with and make sure your voice is projected clearly. Doing this helps a lot in overcoming your shyness.

6. Engage

Engaging with others is not limited to talking to your friends and relatives. Participate in small talks in checkout lines, talk to strangers at sporting events, stores, bars, and at the gym. Always approach those you are attracted to. Ask to dance with them.

They might be interested in you which means they wouldn’t mind hanging out with you again. It might even lead to a date. Do not care if you get the cold shoulder. There are millions of people on the planet. Not all of them will like you. Others will. Take your chances and put yourself in a position of meeting new people.


One of the surest ways of building your confidence to overcome shyness is by making use of chat lines.

Our site has different chat lines suitable to anyone. By making use of chat lines, you are one step ahead in trying out new things, and you will also engage with others by talking more often.

The best thing with using chat lines is that you get to speak to different people every time you pick up your phone to make a call. This gives you the opportunity of interacting with people from all walks of life. Your experience in dealing with people and developing your social skills will grow immensely.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step, and your first baby step is joining Make sure you use the free minutes provided by our chat lines. Have the chats and conversations of your life with the person who arouses your interests.

After all, is said and done, do not forget to walk the talk and meet the guy or girl you have been chatting with. Going out on a real date will significantly boost your confidence.

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